Scientist. It's just one of those careers that lends itself to villainy. It even says so on page 10 of the How to Be a Villain handbook.
Within the general area of villainy, supervillainy is the pinnacle of success. Think full professor, NIH director, or journal Editor-in-Chief. Typically, the path to supervillainy involves 4 distinct steps...
But if you're a chemist, a subject and profession that is clearly torturous, you're fast-tracked to supervillainy.
As a chemist on the supervillainy fast-track*, I thought I'd share my typical day as part of @SeeArrOh's #ChemCoach carnival.
Most people know that supervillains are strong leaders and snappy dressers. But what does a supervillains do on an average day? You'd be surprised how mundane it is...
Your current job.
Chemist-villain.
What you do in a standard "work day."
5AM: Awakened by this tune. Have coffee and breakfast. Read several newspapers. A supervillain is a well-informed villain.
6AM: Conference call with British supervillain mentor. We all know the British make the best villains.
7AM: Commute to office using mass transit. There's no rule a villain can't be 'green'.
8AM: Check-in with office henchmen, discuss current minion issues.
9-11AM: Host office hours for minions. The key to effective leadership is amassing an army of loyal minions. A villain simply must cultivate and care for their minions.
11:30AM: Lunch. Check twitter. The modern villain has to be social media savvy.
12-1PM: Teach general chemistry. Legal torture, my friends. MUWHAHAHA!
1:10-1:40PM: Commute to super-secret underground laboratory using mass transit. Again, there's no rule a villain can't be 'green'.
1:45PM: Coffee break. "Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love." ~ Turkish proverb
2:00-??PM: Super-secret stuff in super super-secret underground laboratory. Unlike some villains, I know how to keep my damn mouth shut.
What kind of schooling / training / experience helped you get there?
I have a BS in chemistry, a MS in forensic science, and a PhD in chemistry. While in college, I worked full-time in retail. After graduate school, I worked in a crime lab. Back in the Ivory Tower, I teach chemistry, mentor minions and henchmen, and am building a De-- doing research. Drugs, bombs, autopsies, crime scenes, students after one of my chemistry exams, the dressing rooms in a clothing store on Black Friday - I've seen it all. NOTHING PHASES ME.
Villains must be decisive, imaginative, discrete, quick-thinking, ruthless to their enemies, solicitous for the welfare of their underlings, as well as have both a strong stomach and a high tolerance for pain. Nothing prepared me more than graduate school and teaching.
How does chemistry inform your work?
Please refer to 12-1PM from the schedule above. Chemistry is playing an integral role in my research. Which, of course, is SECRET.
Finally, a unique, interesting, or funny anecdote about your career
I reviewed a paper this year for a respected journal. My comments and questions were marked "From reviewer #3" when sent to the authors.
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*confirmed by select student evaluations
You know, I really think that you having skipped essential career development steps including minion, henchman and undervillian in fact make you a false super-villian. Or a super-false villian.
I went to grad school. I've put in my time in the minion and henchman trenches. 😀
Awesome. A new career option is just what I needed. I'd think that "super-villain microbiologist" would be even easier nowadays.....
Definitely. You'll be at Supervillain Summit 2013 in Death Valley? There is a whole Division of Microbiology.
Oh. I so need to schedule that. I'm really hoping it won't be in July though.... too hot 😉
[...] love chemistry. LOVE it. I am not yet super-villian level chemist, but that doesn't stop me from trying! We are now in the midst of National Chemistry [...]
[…] tough out there for a supervillain-in-training. Not only do we have to think-up overly elaborate methods to smote and humiliate our enemies, we […]